Dance, Shall We.

The party was surely on. Some with clearer objectives / motives, were through with their dinner, while some had preferred drinks. The set up was a traditional small town one. A spacious banquet hall was the venue for the occasion. The music was in place. The gentry was turned out at its best. And what everyone was waiting for, The Dance, was on.

Some were flaunting their latest moves, some were pretty happy with their traditional but limited maneuvers. Everyone was alight. The venue was populated with smart boys and beautiful girls. The smartness and beauty, were enhanced or may be augmented, for sure.

It often happens, during a dance stunt, the Circle-Concept. Sooner or later you, in the midst of your own dance, will find yourself a part of the circle. Its like a monster, it grows and it won't be satisfied until it ropes in everyone, every single one on the floor. Now, if you resist, you will be re-approached until you submit to it.

So as it was, the dance was on, in circles, of course. The flashes of some antique-performers was up an bright. I, as expected, was right at the edge of the monster circle, and she was right at the center, for obvious reasons. It was like epi-center thing. And if everyone's eye and to what it was seeing, were joined to be a straight line. All such lines were to be converging at Her.

So, there was a time, my line converged at the epi-center as well. And she, then, faced me, raised her fist to her face, took out out the index finger and beckoned me. Offensive it was, that's the first thing came to mind and so I stared, conveying how I felt. And she, then smiled unapologetically. I, then started my walk towards her, making my way through the crowded circle. And as I stood in front of her, yet again, she smiled, and said, "So, you know how to dance". I said, "Well, lets see". Contrary to the mood and probably to her expectation as well, I just held her palm and placed the other one on her waist. I precisely don't know how long it lasted, but as it ended...the music was still loud, but everyone was almost still, the circle too was in place, perfectly in shape, and in the center, it was just two of us. "Thanks for the dance", I uttered, and made my way back to the edge of the circle.

Every Night.

Every night...
Night after night...
Getting sleep, became...
Finding sleep, and then...
Finally buying sleep.......!

Not long ago...
I used to find sleep...
No sooner I thought of it..!

But with time...
It became demanding...
I had to make efforts to find it...!

The first thing...
The very first thing...
That comes to my mind, before sleep...
Is the slideshow of the high-points of the day...
Unless, there is a one, which is too bad to avoid...!

If the flashes are beautiful...
I certainly do not mind reliving them...
With a few minor adjustments in the "time-space" set up...!

These first things...
Are never constant...
They certainly change...
Most certainly, every night...
And there have been occasional...
Guest appearances of tension and anxiety...!

But one thing...
Has never changed...!

The last thing...
The very last thing...
That comes to my mind, before sleep...
After which there is nothing, I can think of...
Its You...!!
Be there..!!

तितलियाँ

हरे गलीचों की गोद में,
हरी छन्नी जैसे आकाश तले,
उन सुनहरी किरणों की बारिश में,
कुछ नवजात ख्वाब पले.

ख्यालों की आंच में,
सेके वोह कुछ ख्वाब,
सिन्दूरी अंगारों सी,
चाहत की तपिश में,
खूब पके वो ख्वाब.

इस नरम-गरम व्यवस्था से,
फिर उड़ चले वो ख्वाब,
बन के तितली, बन के बिजली,
बन बैठे फ़िज़ाओं के वो नवाब.

रन-बिरंगी तितलियों जैसी,
टेढ़ी-मेढ़ी उनकी उड़ान,
हवाओं में तैरती जैसे,
मौसम की मुस्कान,
हम न पहुंचे जिस किसी,
पहुंचे वो हर उस मक़ाम.

तितली बना खुद को उड़ाते,
जो न कर पाते,
वोह सब हम उनसे करवाते,
विडम्बना से पूर्ण,
एक अनोखी दास्तान...!

Swan and the Phoenix.

It happens...
Sometime it happens...
When one is bound,
as no chain ever could.
and,
one is down,
as no weight ever would.

One no more gauges,
how much does it weigh,
All one wonders,
is there any other way...?

One doesn't gauge the pain,
all one wonders,
Is the existence, all but vain...?

All one does, is gaze,
as it all gets scraped,
And,
As it take swings,
from utility to futility,
as one tries to locate the lost parity,
with broken wings.

Its now,
when every meaning,
looses its regard,
be it the silver lining,
or the nature's bard.
the rescue remains a nemesis,
much like a desert's oasis.

The instinct to fight,
humbly departs,
reducing one, to mere tarts
Then one knows,
what it mean to be ash,
without the Phoenix,
Hope sinks,
In you...!
And its ironical:-
One has to live,
the death of the Swan.

निशब्द..!

तुम संग चलूँ,
पर कुछ न कहूँ,
चलूँ कभी रेत पर,
चलूँ कभी पानी पर,
पर कुछ न कहूँ...!

उकेरें मिल कर,
किनारा, कभी नदी का..
किनारा कभी समंदर का..
मिल कर उकेरें,
तना, किसी पेड़ का..
तन, एक दुसरे का..

लिखे नाम कभी,
कभी रेत पर..
कभी पानी पर..
कभी हवाओं पर..
लिखे हर वोह बात,
जो कभी कही नहीं,
लिखे और पढ़े, मिल कर..
फिर हँसे, खुल कर...!

ले कर चलूँ, तुझे मैं साथ,
पर कुछ न कहूँ.

कुछ न कहूँ तब भी,
जब गुजरूँ उन छोटी, सजी दुकानों से,
रंगों से जड़ी हर दूकान,
सजाती तुझ पर जो मुस्कान,

चलूँ जब उन पग-डंडियों पर,
कुछ न कहूँ तब भी,
जो पूछे कुछ तू इशारों से,
तो बोलूं मैं निगाहों से,
कुछ कहूँ उन नज़रों से..!

चलूँ जो तेरे साथ,
बिन कुछ कहे,
तो तुम समझ जाओगे न....?

Peacock.

ए दोस्त,
आज जो मुझसे मिल तू,
फिर तू, कल ही हो मुझसे मिला,या फिर..
बरसो बाद है मिला.

न खुदको थोप मुझपे,
न जता खुदको मुझपे,
बस दिखा खुदको इत्मीनान से.

बनने दे मुझे तेरा मौसम,
जिसका बने मोर तू,
ज़रा उचका अपनी गर्दन,
फैला अपने रंग-पंख तू,
बिखेर वो सारे सिमटे रंग तू,
न शर्मा उन पैरो से,
न छुपा उन पैरों को,
वोह भी तेरे उतने ही अंग.

ज़रा खुद को मुझसे मिलने की,
इजाज़त तो दे,
ज़रा तू दिखा,
ज़रा मै भी देखूं ,
कितना निखरा,
कितना बिखरा तू.

न लगा इसका हिसाब तू,
की वोह मेरा काम है,
न जांच खुदको, मेरी नज़रों से,
की, नज़रिए का फरक तो होगा ही,
और शायद लगेगा भी.

फिर क्यूँ जब तू आज,
मुझसे मिलने को आया,
क्यूँ खुद को साथ लाया है..?
न ओढ़ कोई चादर,
न लगा कोई रंग,
रह मुझसे तू स्वतंत्र..

ज़रा हम भी देखे,
मिजाज़ कैसे हैं आपके..!

Left closet.

Its a small closet up there..
not often visited, though..
neither by me, nor by many.

Dimly lit, but filled with fragrance,
Resplendent with the brightest colours,
and lighter shades..!

Nothing arranged in here,
Stuff just lies in this room,
Just as it was placed first,
All it carries, is a "time-flag"..
Primarily for chronological reference,
and an ephemeral "feel-it-patch".

Small windows, act as a sieve,
to filter in some light and air,
light and air of most exquisite class.

But, its a little strange configuration..
the outside voice doesn't really get in,
probably, filtered out as "noise".
and the inside voices, they stay...!
they echo and reverberate.

There are no doors, though.
One could just be there, or not.

In here,
crouched on the chair..
I have seen people leaving..
and I have ignored people knocking..
I am guilty,
and I am proud of it as well..!

Its my flesh and blood,
on the left side of my frame it rests.

Thinking...not so waste.

Thinking...does transform.

I thought, my request for:

That toy,
That dress,
That game,
That book,
That party,
That friend,
That career,
That girl,
That college,
That job,
That venture,

Would not be accepted,
and it wasn't.

And I also thought,that:

I might pass that exam,
I might get in that college,
I might get that job,
I might get that life,
I might get those friends,

And I did get them.

Now, besides the above two categories,

I think I have enough,
Which I didn't thought about,
Received un-wished,

Its been more than fair,
It always is,

And so shall it be.
May be that's the script.

Pretty Classic and Very Regular

You have been around,
If not always,then at least when I wished..

There were times and spaces, when only you were around..
There were instances, when I had created time and space just for you..!

All this while,
You stood quiet,
You didn't blame,
You didn't claim,
It did humbled me.

With you..
I am at peace,
I am myself,
I am, what I wan't to be,
I am, what I couldn't be,
and may be what I can not be.

With you around,
As already articulated,
I have three strongest forces of nature,
at my finger tips:- light,fire and smoke.

With you, I think, I can be what I would not be.
With you, I think, I could think what I never could.
I wonder what all did you seed in me,
a new thought, a new feel, a new emotion,
or a new Man altogether.

You are my choice,
A choice I made..
against all instructions,
against all advices,
I, too, have patronized you.
But it would be unfair to equate, I believe.

After all, it all ends in Ashes and Smoke.

Zindagi..

बड़ी अजीब ज़िन्दगी..
बड़ी करीब ज़िन्दगी..
कभी नपी-तुली ज़िन्दगी..
कभी बेहिसाब ज़िन्दगी..!

कभी एक ज़िन्दगी..
कभी बटी ज़िन्दगी..
कुछ हिस्से जिए..
कुछ हिस्से अनजिए..

कुछ हिस्से जो छुए, खर्च किये..
कुछ हिस्से जो अनछुए, उन्हें बचाए..

कभी साथ ज़िन्दगी...
कभी दूर, कभी पास ज़िन्दगी..
कभी फिसली, कभी सिमटी ज़िन्दगी..

ज़िन्दगी जैसे एक घटना..
जो नहीं बस, घटी..
बस बढ़ी और बढती रही..

बन्दे और ज़िन्दगी का यह खेल..
करते एक दुसरे से आँख-मिचोली..
देख जिसे, दुनिया लगाती अपनी बोली..
जो उनको सुनाई न पड़ती..
और दुनिया उन पर हंसती..
और वो दुनिया पर..!

The coloured divide.

To some I am beautiful,
Some just like me,
for some, its a mere utility,
and for some, it just doesn't matter.

But conclusively, its just their perception..
which they unassumingly, try to align with my existence.

I, hinged, to a support...(every-one has one)
unfurl myself..cascade down..express myself.

I have two worlds on my either sides,
I am the divide..

I have my hues..
I have my shades..
I have my ripples,
I have my riddles,

I reflect,
I deflect,
and I absorb.

I can hide,
I can show,
I can guide,
I can obstruct.

With air I can create magic..
I can swell, I can swirl..

I can hide you..
You can hold me..
I can, just be touched..!!

I be unfurled or roped...
I'll be there, till I be replaced,
with just another Curtain..!!

She

Some-one can bear the pain equivalent to breaking 20 bones in a body,
and end it with a smile of genuine happiness.
For long, it wasn't quantified as such,
and all we knew was, that it pains a lot.....
well, that much...unimaginable..!!

That's when we are born.

And guess, what...half of human population, almost, does that.

Somebody with that much power and courage,
choose to maintain such a "low-profile", is a little hard to reason.
They are or may be they are made vulnerable or probably we are simply basking in the illusion of dominance over them.
And they too have no qualms about it, or perhaps they have allowed us to remain in such illusion so as to reduce the "noise" from the system.

It is them who told us what is beauty,
It is them who who taught us duty.

From them we learned, almost everything,
To them we owe, almost everything.

Gravity Pulls....!

Our Weight...


There are people : who are apparently attached, relatively, more to the ground while other are not so much.

There are times : when one feels rather light, upbeat and up in the air and also when one feels heavy, as is the heart and so are the feet.

Every time one does an act justifying all the rationalities, an act which has helped one earn some real satisfaction, it adds more value and weight to one's self and one becomes more attached to the ground.

In due course of time, test and life, different forces try to sweep you off your feet, depending upon ones "weight" and one's will, one gets displaced or not. As in a normal gathered sense this displacement isn't just change in a situation or circumstance but it does has two effects, one, one looses some value earned (read weight) and two, one gets pushed a little behind the line, where one originally was.

Its all a part of the game which we and life play with each other.
Which side of the line we are, depends only on us.

Gravity pulls...!

Our Weight...


There are people : who are apparently attached, relatively, more to the ground while other are not so much.

There are times : when one feels rather light, upbeat and up in the air and also when one feels heavy, as is the heart and so are the feet.

Every time one does an act justifying all the rationalities, an act which has helped one earn some real satisfaction, it adds more value and weight to one's self and one becomes more attached to the ground.

In due course of time, test and life, different forces try to sweep you off your feet, depending upon ones "weight" and one's will, one gets displaced or not. As in a normal gathered sense this displacement isn't just change in a situation or circumstance but it does has two effects, one, one looses some value earned (read weight) and two, one gets pushed a little behind the line, where one originally was.

Its all a part of the game which we and life play with each other.
Which side of the line we are, depends only on us.

Fascination with Reality.

Reality fascinates, it does.

Not long before reality shows had the major chunk of audience, until it was grotesquely over done, then followed by big screen to its grave.

What people do in real life and real time is probably the primary question to which we seek the answers…ironically though. How could we be so anxious and inquisitive about something which comes to any of us most naturally? We and people around us still get angry or happy, they do go quite or jubilant, they still fight or even cry….so what is the big deal..?

The answer probably reflects the very horrors of reality in its literal sense.
The logic is simple, what one has, generally, is not enough to fascinate one, majorly it’s about what one doesn’t has. Emotional stimulus of people is pretty much adulterated, we have acquired the skill set of projecting the appropriate emotional response under specific circumstances to an extent that we almost command them, rather it being a natural and peripheral adornment to one’s honest reaction. We are a victim of our own lies. It is like, the more one fakes it, the more one looses it.

It could probably win a few situations, but the damage one does to one’s self is beyond repair. Because if it is natural, it will come anyway, but when one starts ensuring one’s convenience it could happen that one is bereft when one needs it most, and the worst part is that one wouldn’t even realize the miss, as a quick alternative would be around.

Don’t know for how long it has been in use, don’t know for how long it will be used, but one thing is for sure the more one uses it more used to it one becomes. It ruins so many relationships, so many lives, so many dreams, so many expectations….but the practice goes on……a wonderful working solution…somebody said.

We are Social, absolutely.

It was an evening family get- together, everyone was appropriately dressed to the occasion, the food and the conversations were full on. Observantly and willingly, I for a moment thought of detaching myself from the ecosystem of the evening.

I could see brightly lit faces, everyone was upbeat, lot of sharing was happening around, besides food, a lot of information and experience was being transferred.

Suddenly it struck to me, though everyone was wearing the brightest smile, but somehow “happiness” was missing.

By definition and by nature we are social. We enjoy the presence of people around us, we have different strength of families, joint or nuclear, but still they are families. To encourage this our mornings are scheduled in parks, afternoons in offices, and evenings with friends and family or an occasional get-together. Some who prefer to stay aloof are often viewed with a frown and a set of visual questions.

Right from the beginning we are encouraged to be with friends and spend some time, all the more, if one is not so inclined. It is customary to have a circle of your own. It is so deeply embedded in our behavioral conduct that, at times it gives me an impression that, maybe it is an enforcement more than it being a choice. And if that be so, then why, what is the objective like….?

















Is it like to keep one away from loneliness…okay…but then what harm could it do to one..? Only one would get more to time to spend with one’s self, and one gets to think…. And that is okay…..So are we like discouraging self thinking, as it could probably lead to radical thinking, which would obviously be different from current set up. So are we like promoting the “comfort zone”, where in all and everything supposedly suits us, but why so. Is it actually for the greater good?

But on the contrary one feels most c o m f o r t a b l e , p l e a s e d , s a t I s f I e d , e v o l v e d , a t t a c h e d when one is all by oneself, often alone.

One feels such when one is leaning against the balcony admiring the canvass of the sky, or on rooftop feeling the breeze, or your face cupped in your own palm staring at so busy world and seeing nothing, or hands folded against one chest and a sigh in your breath, or admiring the free moves of a kite in an open sky, or smiling at a kid busy in its own world.

Eventually unable to figure it out explicitly, I appreciate the difference between belief and acceptance.

Guilty and not so proud of it.

Many a times, when you get a chance to be in a situation when you walk, and walk not with a purpose to fulfill any obligation, errand or any such objective like a rush to class, get some stuff.
The beauty of such walks is that, you don't plan or schedule them, its only in the midst of the walk you tend to realize that this is one of those times....and that is the time when you are not alone....you are walking besides your so very own and lost self.

Such walks are often naturally complimented, there could be light drizzle around, or a cool breeze or even an interesting canvassed sky. Well converse could also be true, it depends.

So, in such walks, when one is oneself, the respect for the ambiance around automatically increases and so does the respect for the nature and humanity.
Now incidentally not many lives around you would not be in the same frame of mind then, and consequently the carelessness of a life towards another saddens you.

The blame in such scenarios, for a change, starts from self and when one allocates enough reasons to ensure a clean chit for oneself, it transcends to others and then on to system. But here, you never get that clean chit

So you are walking, and you come across an elderly figure his posture and attire speaking for his helplessness, no he's not a beggar, his eyes say so....and those eyes just couldn't lie, he doesn't even stretches his arm for alms, but its only him who knows how badly he needs it. That hesitation says it all, if only he could have a chance to speak to someone about what all he has been through, but who has the time.

Now that's the action part, which so pregnant with meanings, pain, suffering, longing, anger and repentance.... without a bulge.

Now for the reaction part, one has only two choices, practically speaking, one turn a blind eye and walk away, two offer some alms.
Now consider the two choices to one, framed by our "experience and learning" are they really worth being called a choice...?
They are mere excuses of getting away from the situation, one free of cost other would cost you few quits.

I feel so helpless and ashamed and angry of my own self, that somebody who is scientifically 99% same as me can be forced to suffer like that, why ...there must be stories of broken trust, I am sure.

You walk away, or you offer some quits it's just the same....you can't even look him in the eye.

Virtual Relief.

Being oN LiNe.....

Yes, today we have the pleasure to live in a more developed, advanced and conducive society.But then why is the need, or demand, if I may, for more freedom and expression, higher than ever.

The reasons I shall not delve in to, now.
But yes the consequences are sure to be thought upon.

Virtual presence today, is the means to be. One's virtual avtar is not just an imagination, but it is actually a decent way to bridge the gap between what one wanted to be and what one becomes, courtesy various peripheral but embedded constraints, which are sowed in us as a debt, to which we pay till we live.

Surprisingly, in today's context where issues like loosing "human-touch" are the probable concerns, one's physical social circle appears nothing infront of virtual social circle.
One reaches out to greater number of people on line than in person.

You think you need a haircut, gone are the days when you would go to a hair dresser, all you need to do is to change your profile picture. Today you have a different emotion on you than the one on the day prior,and you want your people to know about that, and you know they care and it does matter, change the picture with the appropriate facial gymnastics. Be it a new dress,accessory or any possession, all it take is a few clicks.

And its just not the display quotient but its equally effective at interpersonal material or emotional transactions. The communication means, the language, is pretty similar to the one you have been taught, while you developed your resume, but the effect and the impact is wonderfully different and immense.

The semantics of the language is strikingly different. Here the texts and the symbols do not have latent meanings, and hence the scope of being misinterpreted diminishes.
One look at a profile would inform you how much one wanted to be such, than one is now.

Its a joy to know that there exist a channel where in one can channelize one's to be and could be's. If only it weren't such.
Its more like fostering two self's. One where you are busy carrying out obligations (repaying debt) and the other where you are just yourself.